While some relationships end with a bang, others slowly cool off over a long period. When your relationship ended does have important legal consequences, so we have let you know the sorts of questions the law will ask when determining whether your ex… is your ex?
Your lawyer doesn’t care why you and your ex broke up. They just care about when you broke up.
Once your lawyer understands when your relationship began and ended, they can start advising you on what is in and out of the relationship property pot. Typically, everything you earnt inside the relationship is relationship property. Everything outside the relationship (before you got together and after you spilt) is typically separate property.
If your relationship ended very slowly, you aren’t alone. If there is no “agreed” date of separation (i.e. the day of the Talk), your lawyer will be asking a bunch of nosy questions to try to narrow a day (or month… or season…) down.
The type of questions your lawyer will be working through are:
- Were you still living in the same house and in the same bedroom? While not every couple live together these days (some couples maintain separate households for work, children or other reasons), if someone moved out of the family home early – your lawyer will want to know.
- Have the finances been spilt? Some couples go decades with separate finances, so this isn’t particularly helpful for them, but if a couple who used to top each other up or share a bank account – suddenly open new accounts, this does suggest separation. However if your finances are still being run exactly the same way, this may suggest that you remain in a relationship, even if everyone is aware that a separation is pending.
- Are you still intimate (with each other)? Your lawyer will want to know the degree of sexual contact (or lack thereof). IMPORTANT: Please don’t surprise your lawyer with screenshots confirming things were still active in the bedroom. We don’t want to see that (no offence).
- What do you call them? Are you still referring to your ex as your partner or your spouse?
- Who have you told? If you are still socialising together, attending family events together and haven’t gotten around to telling your kids – you may still be in a relationship.
- How long have you been together?
- Who bought that kettle? Are you still consulting each other on purchases, and buying things in joint names? Or have you already divided up the silverware?
- How are the chores dealt with? People who are separated tend not to do each other’s laundry or cook for each other.
- When did planning for the future together stop?
No single question has the deciding vote. Every relationship is unique. No two relationships end in exactly the same way. Most of the time your separation date will be obvious. If it isn’t, a specialist lawyer will be able to walk through the specifics of your particular situation and offer their objective and expert opinion.
P.S. To figure out when your de facto relationship begun, just ask the same questions…
P.P.S. In the old days, you couldn’t be considered separated from your spouse if you still lived under the same roof. That rule gets bent a heck of a lot now though. Talk to your lawyer about it. This rule never applied to de facto relationships.
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